Jarrod grew up in rural New Zealand, living the idyllic lifestyle of a farmer’s son – hunting, shooting, fishing, riding motorbikes and driving tractors were the usual activities.
When Jarrod left school he went into newspaper printing, which was a lot of night shift work, and the printing industry in the late 80s was very heavily focused on a drinking culture.
“I was a wide-eyed farm boy and coming into a new culture was quite an eye-opener. It was almost like a right of passage to go to the pub for the evening then have a shower and jump back onto the newspaper presses. The OHS was non-existent. We were paid well, worked hard but also drank hard,” says Jarrod. To advance his career, Jarrod moved to Australia and has now been here for 25 years and is the Operational Manager of a printing company.
Along the way, Jarrod got married, had two children and, when their children got a bit older and were more independent, his wife went back to work. They had more money and time so started socialising a lot more and one thing led to another and 4-5pm became wine time. Jarrod admits, “We started to rely on that – sitting down and having a drink after the day. Drinking had become a focus for both of us.”
Throughout his late 30s and early 40s, Jarrod was an A-grade cyclist and accomplished marathon runner until injury and lack of motivation changed his focus and he replaced it with drinking.
Jarrod points out that when COVID hit, it really changed the dynamic of their lifestyle and relationship in that, like all, they were forced to go to work and then forced to go home so they would sit there and say, “‘Well, what activities can we do at home?’ and more and more that activity became drinking”, says Jarrod.
Jarrod’s drinking continued to develop, “It wasn’t enough for me and my wife ended up raising it with me. I guess I knew but I didn’t want to control it, everything felt pretty rubbish at that stage and it seemed like a good idea.”
In January 2021, Jarrod’s wife was “over it”. She told him that he was drinking too much and that she wanted to separate. Jarrod was determined to save his family so promised to modify his drinking habits. He went to a GP and followed a course and was going 2-3 days in a row without a drink and really trying but every time he went back and had a drink, he would end up going even harder.
“My wife pushed to finalise the separation and I completely lost it … it absolutely destroyed me. If that hadn’t happened I would never have modified my behaviour because I loved it too much”, Jarrod says. About 2-3 months after his separation, Jarrod had the realisation that he really was destroying himself and asked, “What do I want for myself?”
At this stage, Jarrod had to drink in the morning to get up and go to work. “I knew I’d have the shakes by 2pm, which I was trying to hide. By 3-4pm, I needed to be out of the office to start drinking again … That’s not the person I wanted to be. The only real thing for me is abstinence. My GP told me I needed to get into detox and speak to some AOD counsellors.”
Jarrod was first introduced to SMART Recovery when he was in detox. He was given many options of support services but says that it was SMART that really appealed to him because “SMART is more about self-management – what are you going to do about it for yourself? What is your plan that you can stick to? That makes a whole lot more sense for somebody that is quite motivated and quite driven. SMART just seemed like the right way to go.”
“I was doing 2-4 meetings a week and then I found a group that I really loved being part of. I looked forward to attending and I got to the point where I got to know my peers, and I would think about how I would be letting them down too if I didn’t do the work.”
One of the women that Jarrod met in his meeting has become a good friend and one day she said to Jarrod, “I really want to get involved in this more.” The Facilitator that was currently running the group was leaving so she suggested that Jarrod and his friend take up her timeslot and keep it going.
This led to Jarrod completing the SMART Recovery Facilitator training. “I really want to go fully into this with the main reasons being that there’s a massive void in my life with my wife and children being taken out of it so there are periods of loneliness which can lead to quite triggering thoughts. It’s really hard but it makes it easier to manage that by sharing my time and experience to help other people.”
Jarrod has completely abstained from alcohol for over a year. “I thought it was getting easier and I was just cruising but I almost absolutely lost it on the weekend. Things can just pile up, or you might be left alone with your own thoughts – there are old habits that quickly return.” Fortunately, there are tools and strategies that Jarrod has to fall back on. “It’s hard to unlearn what you were like for so long. Going forward with running meetings is to help people with self-improvement and to maintain that vigilance for myself. When the people running the meetings have shared experiences with the people attending, they can offer support and also say things like, “We’ve been there, we get it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to stay strong.”
Jarrod has found purpose and clarity, “I gave into a behaviour that I couldn’t control and I put it ahead of everything and lost everything that really mattered.”
Jarrod has not seen his children in 1.5 years but is doing all he can to help himself and others to hopefully be able to rekindle a connection with them in the future.